well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
