You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
