somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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