"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
