my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
