Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
