I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
