Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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