im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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