i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
