That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
