wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
