The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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