i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
