i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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