it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
