sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
