Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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