She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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