guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
