I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
