I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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