Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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