I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
