I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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