ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
