I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
