WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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