I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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