You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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