I must be too annoying 4 u.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to be your penis for a week.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
