she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
