How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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