God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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