That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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