in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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