he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
