stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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