The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
