she looked like the before picture.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
