You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
