all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
