We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
