i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
