We won't sleep together?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
