did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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