when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
