He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
