and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
