i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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